As a parent, one of the greatest joys in life is spending quality time with your children. Whether it’s watching their favorite sports team or simply enjoying a cup of coffee together, these moments are priceless. However, for some of us, these simple activities can become a source of anxiety and discomfort. I am one of those parents who cannot go to watch football with my son or sit in a cafe unless I have my back to the wall. This may seem like a small issue to some, but for me, it has become a constant battle that has taken away a part of who I am.
I have always been a social and outgoing person. I loved going out with friends, trying new things, and making memories. But as I became a parent, things started to change. As my son grew older, I found myself constantly worrying about his safety and well-being. This worry turned into a fear that consumed me every time we were in a crowded place. I couldn’t enjoy a football game or a cup of coffee without constantly scanning the surroundings, making sure my son was safe. I needed to have my back against the wall so that I could have a clear view of everything around me. This fear not only affected my relationship with my son, but it also took away the joy of these activities.
At first, I thought it was just a phase, something that would pass with time. But as the years went by, it only got worse. I started avoiding social gatherings and outings with my son. I would make excuses or find ways to get out of them. I didn’t want my son to miss out on these experiences, but I couldn’t bring myself to face my fear. It was a constant battle between my love for my son and my fear of losing him.
It wasn’t until my son started questioning my behavior that I realized how much I had lost myself in this fear. He couldn’t understand why I always wanted to sit in a corner or why I couldn’t enjoy a football game like other parents. It was a wake-up call for me. I didn’t want my son to see me as someone who was always afraid. I wanted him to see me as a strong and confident parent who could face any challenge.
That’s when I decided to seek help. I reached out to a therapist who specialized in anxiety and fear management. It was a difficult step for me, but it was the best decision I ever made. Through therapy, I learned that my fear was rooted in the need to control everything around me. I was afraid of losing my son, and I believed that by constantly being vigilant, I could prevent that from happening. But in reality, my fear was only holding me back from enjoying life and making memories with my son.
Through therapy, I learned coping mechanisms and techniques to manage my fear. I also learned to let go of the need to control everything and to trust in my son’s ability to take care of himself. It was a slow and challenging process, but with each small step, I could feel myself gaining back a part of who I was. I started going to football games with my son again, and this time, I could actually enjoy the game. I no longer needed to have my back against the wall, and I could focus on spending quality time with my son.
I won’t lie and say that my fear is completely gone. It’s still there, but now I have the tools to manage it. I no longer let it control my life and my relationship with my son. I have learned to face my fear and not let it stop me from doing the things I love. And most importantly, I have learned to be present in the moment and to enjoy every second I have with my son.
To any parent who may be going through a similar experience, I want to say this – you are not alone. It’s okay to seek help and to admit that you need it. Don’t let fear take away precious moments with your children. Take small steps, and with time, you will see that you can overcome your fear. And when you do, you will realize that you haven’t lost yourself, but rather, you have gained a stronger and more resilient version of yourself.
As for me, I can now proudly say that I can go to watch football with my son or sit in a cafe without having my back against the wall. I am no longer controlled by my fear, and I have regained a part
